If you respect this agreement, you can go around the world with an open heart and no one can violate you. You can say, “I love you” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need. The second agreement invites us to recognize that we all work from the perspective of our own unique experiences. My perspective is different from your point of view, and while we may share a multitude of commonalities and connections, your actions, thoughts, and words are not about me. No matter what a friend posts on IG, tells me at the coffee shop, or thinks about how I dress, for example, it`s NOT About Me. (Pointing out that it`s still pretty hard for me to achieve, and I guess I`m not alone.) If I personally take something that a friend does, I center myself, use limited information to jump to conclusions, and ignore their experience and perspective. In addition, I tell myself lies. Even if a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give correspond to the agreements they have in their own minds. If you take things personally, you make easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can easily tie you up with a small opinion and feed you what they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it.
All that said, if you`re befriending someone whose words or actions are harmful to you, it`s healthy to set boundaries, set boundaries, and honor yourself. You can experience great feelings, and they are all real and valid. Feeling hurt doesn`t mean taking something in person. However, in the healing process, it will be important to practice this agreement and make sure that the person`s actions did not relate to you and/or your worth. This is the second chord of Don Miguel Ruiz`s classic, the four chords. But if you don`t take it personally, you`re immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the midst of hell is the gift of this agreement. Look at last week`s article that deals with how you can apply the first agreement to friendship. Then come back and learn more about the second agreement.
Ruiz`s words remind us that we all do what we can best in every moment and that another person`s thoughts, behaviors, and actions are around them and their experiences and not a reflection of our dignity.